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  1. PO
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    <p>Thanks for the various suggestions, however they were all outside of the limited scope I had. I ended up with the following query:</p> <pre><code>SELECT sum( if ((TShirt1='RedCrew' AND TShirt1Size='S') OR (TShirt2='RedCrew' AND TShirt2Size='S'), if ( (TShirt1='RedCrew' AND TShirt1Size='S') AND (TShirt2='RedCrew' AND TShirt2Size='S'), 2, 1), 0)) AS 'RedCrew S', sum( if ((TShirt1='RedCrew' AND TShirt1Size='M') OR (TShirt2='RedCrew' AND TShirt2Size='M'), if ( (TShirt1='RedCrew' AND TShirt1Size='M') AND (TShirt2='RedCrew' AND TShirt2Size='M'), 2, 1), 0)) AS 'RedCrew M', sum( if ((TShirt1='RedCrew' AND TShirt1Size='L') OR (TShirt2='RedCrew' AND TShirt2Size='L'), if ( (TShirt1='RedCrew' AND TShirt1Size='L') AND (TShirt2='RedCrew' AND TShirt2Size='L'), 2, 1), 0)) AS 'RedCrew L', sum( if ((TShirt1='RedCrew' AND TShirt1Size='XL') OR (TShirt2='RedCrew' AND TShirt2Size='XL'), if ( (TShirt1='RedCrew' AND TShirt1Size='XL') AND (TShirt2='RedCrew' AND TShirt2Size='XL'), 2, 1), 0)) AS 'RedCrew XL', sum( if ((TShirt1='BlueSlim' AND TShirt1Size='S') OR (TShirt2='BlueSlim' AND TShirt2Size='S'), if ( (TShirt1='BlueSlim' AND TShirt1Size='S') AND (TShirt2='BlueSlim' AND TShirt2Size='S'), 2, 1), 0)) AS 'BlueSlim S', sum( if ((TShirt1='BlueSlim' AND TShirt1Size='M') OR (TShirt2='BlueSlim' AND TShirt2Size='M'), if ( (TShirt1='BlueSlim' AND TShirt1Size='M') AND (TShirt2='BlueSlim' AND TShirt2Size='M'), 2, 1), 0)) AS 'BlueSlim M', sum( if ((TShirt1='BlueSlim' AND TShirt1Size='L') OR (TShirt2='BlueSlim' AND TShirt2Size='L'), if ( (TShirt1='BlueSlim' AND TShirt1Size='L') AND (TShirt2='BlueSlim' AND TShirt2Size='L'), 2, 1), 0)) AS 'BlueSlim L', sum( if ((TShirt1='BlueSlim' AND TShirt1Size='XL') OR (TShirt2='BlueSlim' AND TShirt2Size='XL'), if ( (TShirt1='BlueSlim' AND TShirt1Size='XL') AND (TShirt2='BlueSlim' AND TShirt2Size='XL'), 2, 1), 0)) AS 'BlueSlim XL', sum( if ((TShirt1='GreyV' AND TShirt1Size='S') OR (TShirt2='GreyV' AND TShirt2Size='S'), if ( (TShirt1='GreyV' AND TShirt1Size='S') AND (TShirt2='GreyV' AND TShirt2Size='S'), 2, 1), 0)) AS 'GreyV S', sum( if ((TShirt1='GreyV' AND TShirt1Size='M') OR (TShirt2='GreyV' AND TShirt2Size='M'), if ( (TShirt1='GreyV' AND TShirt1Size='M') AND (TShirt2='GreyV' AND TShirt2Size='M'), 2, 1), 0)) AS 'GreyV M', sum( if ((TShirt1='GreyV' AND TShirt1Size='L') OR (TShirt2='GreyV' AND TShirt2Size='L'), if ( (TShirt1='GreyV' AND TShirt1Size='L') AND (TShirt2='GreyV' AND TShirt2Size='L'), 2, 1), 0)) AS 'GreyV L', sum( if ((TShirt1='GreyV' AND TShirt1Size='XL') OR (TShirt2='GreyV' AND TShirt2Size='XL'), if ( (TShirt1='GreyV' AND TShirt1Size='XL') AND (TShirt2='GreyV' AND TShirt2Size='XL'), 2, 1), 0)) AS 'GreyV XL' WHERE 1; </code></pre> <p>Which I generated in PHP with:</p> <pre><code>$tees=array('RedCrew','BlueSlim','GreyV'); $sizes=array('S','M','L','XL'); foreach ($tees as $t) { foreach ($sizes as $s) { print "sum( if ((TShirt1='$t' AND TShirt1Size='$s') OR (TShirt2='$t' AND TShirt2Size='$s'), if ( (TShirt1='$t' AND TShirt1Size='$s') AND (TShirt2='$t' AND TShirt2Size='$s'), 2, 1), 0)) AS '$t $s',&lt;br&gt;"; } } </code></pre> <p>It doesn't give exactly the right formatting for the answer, but it tells me what I need to know!</p>
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    1. POCombined grouping on two fields
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    1. COThat's a clever work-around. Note that it's perfectly fine to [accept your own answer](http://blog.stackoverflow.com/2011/07/its-ok-to-ask-and-answer-your-own-questions/), unless you'd like to wait a while to see if someone comes up with a better one.
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    2. COI would prefer a generic query, but it may just not be possible with what I have to work with. I am asking whether it's possible to make the table not temporary so that I can do a union or join. Your solution would work, but I literally have a textbox after SELECT and before FROM and a textbox after WHERE, so I can't modify FROM. @gloomy.penguin might be on to something, but it's not quite there yet.
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